Epiphany
by Zephyr88
Summary: SPOILERS FOR X Men DOFP. What was Charles thinking while trapped in the rubble of the stadium? What made him switch tactics? This is from the POV of Charles, a little bit of introspection.


Work Text:

**What was Charles thinking while trapped in the rubble of the stadium?**

Control. It was all about control. He had always been so good at conveying power through the tilt of his head, the stance of his legs, the lean of his body. Now, his power was restricted to his voice. The only way of influencing others restricted to words.

From a very early age, he had to learn control over his mind to stop it from overwhelming everyone around him for miles, to stop other's minds from overwhelming his. The brief periods where he could control his mind gave him aching relief until at last he could maintain a shield around his mind without conscious effort. The war had stripped him of his carefully constructed systemetized world of class schedules, lesson plans, rules and regulations. He was left in shambles.

He had then made the final bid for power over himself, through the serum developed by Hank he had succeeded in simultaneously silencing his mind and in moving his paralysed body. But, the arrival of Logan, the news he delivered, the breakout from the Pentagon and the news of Raven's plans had shaken the world he had built for himself. He had created an illusion of control, he had shut out the outside world and within his cocoon he had been king.

But, the events over the last few days showed how little he could actually control. Erik's words on the plane had stung but he had shrugged them off. They were delivered after all by a bitter angry man, one who believed violence was the only resort. Raven's words at the airport however had left a more lasting mark – "Have to, you haven't changed at all, Charles".

These words had been pushed aside at that moment, by the knowledge that he has failed, but his mind had continued to puzzle over it. What did Raven mean? What did she want from him? For a moment there she had been listening to him, but the answer seemed elusive. He had treated her as his sister, spoken lovingly and caringly. Wasn't she happy that he still considered her his sister after she had abandoned him, gone on a crusade with Erik, put herself in who knows what dangers and most importantly, seemed ready to murder a man! What had made her face turn to stone, her expression, that look of disappointment as if he had been the one unable to grasp the obvious. It was a disconcerting switch in roles.

As he lay helplessly under the might of Erik's powers, the answer had hit him in a flash. Control, she had been frustrated because of his attempt to control her The inability to lift things away, call for help or do anything at all to change his predicament had brought home to him just how helpless he had made Raven feel. He could control her mind and although he had never done so, he had controlled all her interactions, decisions about their future, their well being. He had assumed that she agreed with him and dismissed her anger, frustration as if it was nothing more than a child's temper tantrum. She had taken back control by moving out of his sphere of influence, by leaving with Erik, and making her own decisions.

His own foolish, stubborn, nature had blinded him to this obvious fact and he had reasoned with her like a tired parent explaining to his child why they cannot have a second ice cream right after the first. He had failed then and he had failed in reaching Erik because he had chosen the wrong words. He would not, could not fail with Raven now. He closed his eyes, girding himself against the pain and reached out to her mind and saw through her eyes. And for the first time, given a choice between Control and Faith he chose Faith where his allegiance had been all along.

**Author's Notes**

I just felt all along that Charles really has a high need to control other people's reactions and behaviour. His switch from that control to letting Raven choose on her own was interesting and I just started exploring what could be going on in his mind to change tactics that way. Please read and let me know if you agree or disagree as the case may be.  
>Thanks for reading!<p> 


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